Why Being Positive Doesn’t Mean You’ll Never Be Sad Again
or, Why Optimists Are Realists, Despite What Pessimists Say…
I’ve heard it a lot over the years: “I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist.”
Excuse my language, as I don’t normally swear when I’m in my professional state, but I call bullshit. Optimists are also realists, and frankly, I prefer to live my life in a positive state of mind as often as possible.
But it doesn’t mean I’m never sad, or that I never get irritated, or that I never have a bad day. Optimists, back me up here.
I really do believe that you get the same energy back that you’re putting out into the world, and if you expect a positive outcome to something, you’re more likely to get it. It doesn’t guarantee you’ll get it, but I believe it increases your chances. Worst case, I believe you can handle it better if you don’t get it when you’re being positive.
If you don’t get what you’re seeking, when you look through a positive lens, you can have an easier time understanding why you didn’t get it, what you can do better next time, or maybe appreciate that you shouldn’t have it anyway…or that bigger and better opportunities are waiting for you down the line, and that’s why you didn’t get it.
Trust me, I can get as bummed out and sad as the next person. I can have bad days, bad weeks…hell, even rough months. I’ve been in that space where it’s hard to see the light, all you feel is weight on your shoulders, everything and everyone irritates you, and you have no desire or motivation to even try to make things better.
It can be unbearably difficult to take even a small step toward making things better. One thing I’ve learned about myself as I’ve gotten older is that when I get overwhelmed and overly stressed, I shut down. I’m not one who works well under pressure or is driven to prove people wrong. I don’t get motivated to work harder when things seem difficult or out of reach. Rather than tackle little steps one at a time, I just stop and give up.
Anyone who knows me personally is probably surprised to hear that. I try to put forth my best self in public, and I’m not one to vent or rant on social media. If I ever do, I try to keep it lighthearted, or at least be as professional and non-judgemental as possible.
I’m authentically myself on social media and in front of big groups of people like in my group exercise classes, but I’m not going to whine or complain in those circumstances–maybe about the annoying traffic on the way there or the fact that it was 70 degrees last week but snowed twice since then, but not about my life.
The thing to know is that you can have bad days, weeks, months, etc., and still consider yourself an optimist. It is important and it’s healthy to allow yourself to FEEL and EXPERIENCE all emotions! Sit with them, acknowledge them. Work through them. Don’t pretend you’re not feeling them. Maybe you have to pretend for a little bit because you’re at work–that’s fine, but don’t feel like you have to go to the opposite extreme and be the fake positive person. Go ahead and just be neutral. You’re not going out of your way for anyone, but you’re polite and civil until you can deal with what you’re going through.
It’s normal.
The goal is to do the part that I already admitted is hard for me when I’m really far down–taking an action step.
It truly doesn’t matter how small that step is. Maybe your success for the day is that you got out of bed, or you took a shower, or you did the dishes. Maybe it’s a little bigger, like you wrote your first blog post, even if you didn’t publish it yet. Maybe you made one phone call.
Energy begets energy. Action begets action. ACTION KILLS FEAR.
(Just be careful again not to go to the other extreme on this one, and get to a point where all you’re doing is taking action to stay busy and avoid dealing with the things you should deal with. But that’s another blog post.)
Even if all you do is write down the action steps you want to or should take, let that count as an action step!
I find that meditation and setting affirmations and intentions for the day really helps. I’m not perfectly consistent with it myself, and I admit that I tend to wake up in the morning having that groggy “I don’t wanna, I don’t feel like it” feeling. But I need to remember that this is the whole point of meditating and doing affirmations–to get OUT of that negative state of mind and set up my day the way I want it to be set up.
It’s just like when you have to force the first 5 minutes of your workout. You really don’t wanna, but you make yourself do it anyway, and usually, after the first 5 minutes, then you’re fine. And you feel better for having done it, and you’re glad you made yourself start.
I don’t always want to meditate. The morning of writing this blog post, my morning didn’t go the way I expected it to, so admittedly I was a little annoyed, and really didn’t feel like meditating. But I did it anyway. And I felt happier and more awake as soon as it was done.
It doesn’t mean nothing will go wrong in my day. But it helps me to stay positive and be better equipped to handle whatever gets thrown at me, positive or negative.
As far as what I do, I personally use a guided meditation. I’ve never enjoyed sitting there with nothing, trying to clear my head. I probably would if I worked at it, but I really enjoy being led and having some calming or even energizing yogic-type music in the background. There are a ton of apps available that you can check out for this. I don’t use any of them, though, as I still like the Yoga Booty Ballet Guided Meditation CD. (Remember that program?? From a looooong time ago!) I’m no longer a Beachbody coach, but in searching for it, it appears you can still purchase this from Beachbody. It’s worth it, and I highly recommend it. I do all 4 as needed, but I use the Awake and Renew, and the Relax and Unwind the most.
You’re encouraged to set mantras or affirmations during the meditations I do. I encourage you to do them as well, whether you choose to meditate or not. When you start your day in control of your own mindset, it’s harder for other people to shake you.
I created my own guide, The Affirmations Workbook, which presents the science behind WHY affirmations DO work, and walks you through the steps to create the most effective ones for YOU. And it’s in understanding the science that you learn that affirmations don’t have to be cheesy, and they don’t have to feel like lies. I highly encourage you to check it out (and let me know your feedback!)
Here’s the takeaway I want you to get from this post–YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE.
And I won’t lie–just like I can have dark times, too, I need to be reminded of this myself sometimes.
But when you can remember that, and work from that truth, it’s EMPOWERING. Despite any obstacles, pressure, or outside forces, you have the ultimate control. Yes, it can be hard to fight it. Yes, it can be downright scary, sometimes even life-threatening depending on how serious your obstacle is. But ultimately, you have the power to make the life you want and deserve. (I feel like I’m writing this to myself, since I know I need to hear this even right now. It might be God leading my fingers as I type…)
This is what I mean when I say we get back whatever energy we’re putting out there. If you constantly expect that negative things are all that will ever happen to you, then trust me, negative things are all that will ever happen to you. Don’t give me that line about “Well, that way I’m never disappointed because I don’t expect anything.”
First of all, it’s all in how you view things. Nothing is inherently positive or negative without us giving it a label, and what’s negative to one person might be positive to someone else. And second, in regards to “never being disappointed,” #sorrynotsorry for getting preachy here, but come on–what kind of life is that to live? Please refer back above to my statement that it is IMPORTANT and HEALTHY to feel and experience all emotions. And that includes being disappointed. Being disappointed doesn’t have to mean that you can never be positive or happy again.
…I feel like I’ve ranted after saying I try not to rant online, haha!
But building people’s confidence is such an important topic to me. I want all of us to live our best lives, have the best opportunities, be happy. Yes, some people have it worse than others through no fault of their own…but mindset is more important than you think. People have crawled from nothing all the way to the top by working hard and believing that it’s possible. That statement oversimplifies it, I know, but when you boil it down, that’s what it comes down to.
Believe in yourself. Be positive. Own your power over your own life. Don’t be afraid to experience ALL EMOTIONS. Remind yourself that you don’t have to dwell in the negative ones forever.
Decide.
Take control.
Share with me an action step that you’re going to take TODAY towards living a confident life!
Resources referenced:
Yoga Booty Ballet Guided Meditation CD
I didn’t reference it, but an essential oil that works well for meditation and affirmations is Wild Orange. Check it out here!
