Tips for Staying Confident When Someone Puts You Down

No matter how confident and sure of yourself you are, we’re only human, and none of us perfect. There will still be moments here and there where someone manages to shake you. When this happens, staying confident can be tough!

I recently had one of those moments where someone threw me for a loop. I’m pretty secure in my personality, and I accepted my weirdness and awkwardness a long time ago, turning them into advantages when I’m on stage or teaching a fitness class. And I’m okay with the fact that I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, which is fine. I’m much happier being myself than trying to please everybody (and I hope you are too!). It’s not worth trying to be someone you’re not just to please someone who probably still won’t like you anyway.

But this comment was so completely unexpected, at such an inopportune moment, that it threw me. My gut reaction was to withdraw into myself, but I was in a position where I still had to show up with positive energy for other people. I had to pretend that nothing had happened and that I wasn’t bothered by it.

At my core, I’m an introvert. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re necessarily shy or that you don’t enjoy being around others–it’s more that you need alone time to recharge. Occasionally it can mean you over-analyze things, and it can sometimes be easy to take things personally.

But really I’m what you call an extroverted introvert. There’s a part of me that likes the spotlight, enjoys being the center of attention, and can show up “bigger than life,” with all my weirdness on display. The introvert in me knows that I’m putting myself at risk of criticism, but the extrovert has taught her how NOT to take those things personally–most of the time.

So I asked you all on Facebook what your tips were for staying confident when someone puts you down. Here’s what people said. Hopefully it can help you too:

-“Nothing anyone does is because of you. It’s their world view, their stressors spilling over and pain and unmet needs not being verbalized to best be heard.”

-“Remind myself that something else is going on in their life to try to hurt or bring someone else down. It doesn’t excuse their bad behavior but can sometimes ease the pain.”

-“Remember it’s their inner insecurities that makes them put you down.”

-“Cry.” (Which is totally fine–allow yourself to experience the emotions you’re feeling. Let them out rather than squashing them down. Just try not to stay there longer than needed! Look for ways to lift yourself back up.)

-“Know my own worth and ask myself why their opinion even matters.” Basically, my favorite Rachel Hollis quote: other people’s opinions of you are none of your business!

–Keep a gratitude journal and write down 3 things everyday that you’re grateful for, even if it was the worst day ever. It can help you reframe things and help you be more positive.

–Prayer. Prayer FOR the person who put you down. And just give it all to God.

-“Remind myself that my heart is pure and my intentions are good.”

-“Remembering the phrase ‘hurt people hurt people.’ It’s likely a reflection of their own state of mind and a projection of their own insecurities.”

-“Ask myself why I am allowing them in my space.” And that goes for both physical space as well as mental and emotional space.

-“Remember confidence is silence and insecurity is loud.” Confident people don’t need to tear others down to feel good, nor do they need to announce that they’re confident. In those situations, it usually means they AREN’T confident.

If you see the actual thread of comments on my Facebook, please know that I personally disagree with the ones that involve making a comeback or any type of violence (even though I’m sure those commenters were joking, just still want to make that clear). Or personally putting yourself down further because of it.

It can be VERY hard to be the bigger person and not tell them what you’re probably thinking of them. I’m definitely not perfect or always the bigger person myself, but in this situation I didn’t say a word or do anything in response other than walk away.

But think about it–when you get involved in a “battle of wits,” no one really wins (unless you’re the Dread Pirate Roberts and you’ve built up an immunity to iocane powder…). Each person ends up trying to get the last word, to hurt the other person worse than they hurt you, and it just turns into a vicious cycle that will only leave you more heated and more hurt. And people like that don’t deserve that much of your energy.

If what they said was truly a constructive criticism, then okay, maybe stop and give it some energy. Think about if there really is something you could improve. Hopefully they said it in a constructive manner rather than just being rude about it, and maybe you were just instinctively defensive in the moment. Sometimes we do need to open our eyes and see that people are genuinely trying to help us be better.

But if they were just plain mean for no reason, perhaps attacking your personality, this is when you remember the tips shared above. Their actions are not about you. Your personality is WHO YOU ARE. At your core, you can’t change it. You can change your behaviors, but don’t you DARE change who you are just because someone finds you annoying. Don’t give them your energy. If you can avoid being around them altogether, do so. If you can’t, be civil by all means but don’t go out of your way to try to change their mind. Just go about your business and continue being your beautiful self.

Hell, if a whole room of people finds you annoying, or maybe even an entire workplace doesn’t get you, and you don’t feel like you can be yourself in that environment, it just means they’re not your people. There are millions more people in the world, and plenty of them who are ready and willing to love you for who you are.

Go find them. Don’t be afraid to seek them out. Don’t waste time and energy trying to win over and change the minds of people who refuse to see or understand the real you. I promise the people who do get you are out there, if you continue to be yourself and let them see the real you.

How do you stay confident when someone puts you down? Please share your tips in the comments below, and share this article if it helped you or could help someone you love

Need some extra help boosting your confidence? Try using affirmations to remind yourself how awesome you are. My Affirmations Workbook can help!